Emotional Richter Scale – Choosing Forgiveness

Emotional Richter Scale – Choosing Forgiveness

I’m curious if anyone had the image of me (or of yourself)
grabbing your High School yearbook, a photo album, or address book and flipping
through it as if you were looking at mug shots on a television cop show.  You know, turning page after page trying to
pick out the perp who did the crime so they could do the time.  
Credit:  Reposted from Facebook from Project Forgive
That was not the case. 
I didn’t have to look into the archives, browse facebook or any other
place to find who I needed to forgive.  I
only had to look in the mirror.
Yes, my list of who I needed to forgive included only one
person, and that person is ME.
When I really sat and let the idea of choosing forgiveness
sink in, I admit that a few people came to mind that I would benefit
from letting go; however I kept coming back to the common denominator and I was
it.
It became abundantly clear that if someone in my life and
ecosystem had done or said something that was hurtful, fearful or angry that I
reacted to, they were responsible for the words or actions; however I am wholly
responsible for holding onto the feelings of those words or actions elicited in me.
I am the one who created a space in which to hold onto that
moment, that comment, that whatever. 
Therefore the person I most need to forgive is me.
As for my list of “what’s” and the feelings associated; now
that list is the opposite of short.
That list includes beliefs, doubts, fears, shame,
annoyances, and a number of “shoulds,” that others may have provided
the seed for, assisted or supported me in creating, but again, I am the one responsible for allowing
them to take root and take up space.
Day Two:  Emotional Richter
Scale

I’ve decided to take my list and allocate on a scale of 10
where my feelings are vibrating at.
My intention is to get to Neutral which in this case is 0.
The scale of 1-10 is varying degrees of attachment to the
emotion, and my personality draws me to starting to work with the double
digits; however I’m choosing a more gentle approach.
I’m going to allow myself to sit with my list and associate
my Richter Scale Values and create a foundation from which I will move forward from for the balance of the month.

Releasing the Clench and Sending myself (and all) Lovingkindness…
Inventory:  Choosing Forgiveness

Inventory: Choosing Forgiveness

After writing the post Creating
Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness
, I’ve been noticing a
definite shift in my vibeage.  
Credit:  Reposting image from Good Vibe University Facebook Page
In the spirit of “letting things go” I’ve been drawn to take care of some of
those “niggling” things that have been in lying in wait for my
attention and weighing on me.

Since writing

  • I’ve cleaned out
    my purse (now substantially and literally lighter),
  • I’ve cleaned out
    my fridge and just like the car analogy when I open it I love the tidy and
    shiny look,
  • I’ve organized
    my pantry,
  • I’ve created a
    stack of things to put in the Post.  Cards that I’ve been meaning to
    write, pictures I’ve been meaning to send, and little odds and ends that
    I’ve had on my mind but kept sloughing them off.
  • I’ve sorted out
    the tangle of shoes at our entry and discarded ones that have been waiting
    to be released.
  • I’ve got a tidy
    uncluttered desk.
  • I’ve sorted
    through and found homes for papers that have been stuck on the bench top
    purgatory and now have a home.
  • And a couple
    more items along the same theme.
  • Interesting Note is that all of the things I took care of were out of sight but not out of mind.  
I ended the day feeling accomplished and the best part was that it
had all been an organic process.  I’ve been known to whip myself into a cleaning frenzy and channel my inner
whirlwind.  However it just started with
one thing, then segued into the next, with a calm, cool, and productive and
meditative rhythm.
Having addressed most of my items on my “should-do” list, and if
you haven’t heard, One should never should on oneself. In addition to feeling accomplished
I and my environment felt lighter.
  
Throughout the next 30 days I intend to create more of that good
feeling.
Day One –  Inventory
It’s necessary to reflect on the past and acknowledge and identify
who, what and specifically the feelings that are being held onto that  are full of negative
stuff. 
This is my exercise in consciously choosing forgiveness, therefore
I am requiring myself to consciously take stock of all that needs to be let go
of.
Word of Caution:  This is
not permission to don your judge’s robes, grab your gavel and start casting
judgment.  Nor is this an exercise to envelop
you and your past in a shroud of victimization.

I am not seeking retribution from others; I am choosing to release the
attachment to and the belief of, that holding onto any past angers, hurts, embarrassments,
etc is serving me.

The only service it is providing is to create restrictions in my
life and hold me back.  Sustaining the
clench takes away more energy than it would ever give and limits flexibility. 
Inhale Peace
Exhale Love
Inhale Now
Exhale Then
Inale Peace
Exhale Love…

Creating Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness

Creating Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness

My last blog post “Holding Your Own Without Losing Yourself“, has been the motivation behind my focus for the month of November.  I’m choosing to consciously release experiences, memories, the niggling things that are in the past and reclaim that space for my present and future.
My intention is to get to neutral.  
Why neutral?  
Neutral is the vibeage where there is no longer any attachment to the emotions around the experience.  It allows you to be able to recall a memory without it spiking your emotional richter scale, and making you feel heavy with remorse, anger or other emotions that can weigh on us.
Depending on the scope of what comes up during this process I respect and appreciate that some things may not get wiped clean to neutral; however my intention is to lessen the grip and lighten the intensity overall.
Here is what I have come up with to guide me, and perhaps guide you.
Think of a person or experience that when brought to mind
you feel negatively about. 
Perhaps you feel it in your gut, perhaps you feel it in your
heart, perhaps your entire body is immersed in a clench of the emotions
conjured up by that person, experience and memory.  
Emotions such as:
  • Anger
  • Annoyance
  • Hurt
  • Guilt
  • Sadness
  • Shame
  • Disappointment
  • Resentment
  • Regret
  • Bitterness
  • Rage

And the list goes on…
However long ago this person or experience affected you, if
when brought to mind you are catapulted back into that moment, back into those
emotions, back to feeling what you felt as if it were happening in this moment,
it is consuming valuable real estate within your heart and mind.
Forgiveness is not about accepting the person’s actions or
words as okay; nor accepting the experience as appropriate or acceptable.  Forgiveness is relinquishing the discord you
are holding onto and filling that space with Peace.
The words were said, the actions taken, they happened in the
past and letting go of them releases them from your present and future.

Who or What are you holding onto
most? 

Who or What could you let go of
that could possibly make you feel lighter, literally and figuratively?

Perhaps its something that happened last week, last year,
high school or childhood.
I invite you to ask yourself what
it would feel like for you, if you no longer felt so strongly (negative) about
it?

What would it feel like to release
or lessen that feeling of holding on? To them or to it?

What would it feel like to no
longer feel that strongly about something in your past?

What would it feel like to lessen
that gripping feeling?

What would it feel like to be able
to recall that person or experience and not get fired up?

What would it feel like if you were
not carrying that excess baggage about someone or something in the past?

What would it feel like to be no
longer affected by______________?

 What would it feel like to reclaim
that space to be filled with feelings that support you rather than deplete you?

Have you ever done a big cleanup of your vehicle or home and when you stand back to admire your labors it feels fresher and lighter?
That feeling of “Oooh it feels so good to get behind the wheel and look through clean glass, see a freshly wiped console and vacuumed carpet!”. That action didn’t bring back the original new car smell but it most certainly improves the environment.
I invite you to take that freshly cleaned car feeling and superimpose that onto your heart and mind.
What would it feel like to wipe down your internal console, vac the carpets and shine up the glass through which you view the world, people and experiences?
OR
What about carrying a heavy bag on your shoulder or carrying a heavy box, and once you put it down your exhaustion lifts and fatigue begins to lessen practically immediately?
Expressing that feeling of “Wow, that feels much better”.
And after your break from carrying that load you pick it up again and it feels as heavy or heavier than before.
The same can relate to the heaviness of our thoughts and feelings. What would it feel like to put them down, and not pick them up to carry again, or at the very least, unload some of the weight?
For the next 30 days I invite you to “clean the glass, wipe the console, put down the heavy bag or box” and to overall lighten your load.
I invite you to reclaim the space being held by the stories, the experiences, the people, moments that hold you in a place of discord, discomfort and pain. 
Perhaps there is just one.
Perhaps there are many.
Pause for a moment and imagine what it would feel like to let some if not all of it go.
Knowledge and Self Cultivation =  Reflection

Knowledge and Self Cultivation = Reflection

Knowledge and Self Cultivation is the area that you would want to enhance if you are about to embark on learning or doing something new.  An area which would support any self-growth or self enrichment focus.  It is also the ideal area for cultivating peace.
If you have ever taken a yoga class perhaps you have come across the pose “Tadasana” or Mountain Pose.

Credit:  Living Yoga blog
I would describe the basics of the practise of Tadasana as the action of reaching through your feet into the earth, stabilizing the body; while simultaneously extending your head to the clouds, embodying the essence of a literal mountain.  

Mountains are majestic, they are wise and mysterious.  

If one were to travel up a mountain you would certainly enjoy the vantage point of looking at where you came from and be in a good position to see where you are going.

Knowledge and Self Cultivation is about Self.  What we have learnt in our lives, what we wish to learn and what we have learnt inherently about ourselves through all of our experiences.  

I feel the best representation of this area is Reflection.  I believe that we benefit from seeing where we have been in order to give us perspective on where we are going.  The good times, bad times, easy and hard times.  The whole package.

Reflecting on our lives is not about judging what we didn’t do, didn’t achieve, or how crap this or that situation was.  Reflection gives us the opportunity to view all those instances and observe what we were taught.  They are the ingredients of who you are in the present.

Each and every experience in your life has had value in creating who you are today.

Reflection is an opportunity to look for the value in those experiences with perspective.  

  • Looking back versus going back.

Reflection can be celebratory.

  • The “I” did, “I” tried, “I” learned, “I” survived, “I” overcame. Give yourself credit. 
Seeing your past as the base and building of your mountain and going upward and onward to the clouds.
The saying that “hindsight is 20/20” expresses that it is easy to see the value or the lesson of an event after the fact.  What this can also do is provide you an opportunity to see what you are holding onto from your past that may no longer serve you in the present or will serve you in the future.
The potential lies in the viewing the lingering feelings from an observer’s standpoint, rather than judgement.  
Ask yourself what it would feel like if you no longer held heavy feelings about someone or something in your past?
How would it feel to move forward into your future without some of the excess emotional weight of the past?  
How would that affect your the stability of your Center or your Core?
I invite you to ponder and feel this, if you so choose let one thing or something go.
You may also like:  The Feng Shui Bagua Map
Couples Therapy:  My Relationship with Procrastination

Couples Therapy: My Relationship with Procrastination

It took a long time of struggling with the push and pull dynamics of the relationship to finally ask myself:
  • How had I allowed myself to be bullied for so long?  
  • When had I given up so much power over myself?  
  • And how could I release this hold on me?  

Being caught in this vortex was not serving my purpose. 

The need for change was imminent.  
Or was it?
It seemed futile to look for balance in a relationship, such as this, when the common ground felt as stable as quicksand.  I needed to step onto the sidelines of the blame game and determine what my role was in all of it.  Along with my new found conviction to make a change, I set off armed with fresh eyes, an open heart and a clean slate to begin anew.
Determined, I moved forward, seemingly unaware of the subtlety of the seduction, the light and easy suggestions, the whispered ideas luring me to come out and play.  The gentle urgings, the innocent voice, the promise of “it will only take a moment; you’ll be back on point right away.”  
The mastermind I was dealing with worked easily and effortlessly to derail my intentions.  
The initial moment was drawn out with the cajoling of, “Just one more minute, what’s one more minute?…You can make up the time later.”  
Those are not the demands of a bully, they are simple requests or so I led myself to believe.  Once the realization came I was furious.  It wasn’t just a moment, it wasn’t just another minute, I had been duped yet again by the exponential growth of a single moment into the whole loss of a day.
I berated myself, I belittled myself, I was angry at myself for being led. Angry at the apparent ease I had succumbed to distraction.  
Where were my fresh eyes, my open heart? 
I looked at my clean slate with disdain, now smudgy with taunts of distracted success by procrastination.  Chaos ensued.
Chaos had become a common ingredient in my life and it reigned in my world more times than not. In turn I welcomed chaos as I began to notice and accept that I thrived within its outer appearance of frantic disorder.  
That feeling of being more grounded as I stood amid the eye of the storm, more productive, more decisive, more clear and more successful to get my tasks done.  I began to relish in my many accomplishments handled and realized that I create chaos for my greater good.  Then it hit me.  
If chaos was a direct descendant of procrastination how could I love one and not the other?
I had found my piece in this dysfunctional relationship and now I could make my peace.
Procrastination had firmly established a place in my life, and for years I had rejected its value.  I had adopted the attitude that we could not work together, either I was on top or on the bottom, no balance. 
I was attempting to keep track of wins and losses and each time I checked the scoreboard I was always behind.  My feeling like a victim in the relationship only served to feed procrastination’s power over me.  The imminent change I needed to make was not one of overpowering my opponent, rather to embrace the challenges procrastination presented me.

I wanted procrastination to do the work to change.

I wanted procrastination to leave me alone so I could relinquish the guilt I felt when I listened to the whispers.

I wanted procrastination to respect my productivity rather than seducing me away from it.

I wanted peace! And procrastination was not giving it to me.

Making peace with something is akin to forgiveness.  The process is to accept what is in its natural state, not being in agreement, condoning it or in opposition to it, but to find neutral ground from which to move forward from.  
Procrastination had been doing its job, and doing it well without fail.  It always led me to chaos which I admittedly embraced yet I continued to resist the journey with procrastination to get there.
The relationship looks and feels different now that I have accepted procrastination for what it is.  
In my opinion, it is a momentary meandering off the path, or coloring outside of the lines as a means to an end.  I have chosen to view procrastination as a gift to myself and gently allow myself to wander for moments at its request.  
I have given myself permission to get to the end result without fear of veering off my predetermined path and know that procrastination allows me a bit more time for mulling or creating before the destination is reached.  At times getting there may be chaotic and other times not, that works for me too.

Procrastination and I are cultivating that comfortable relationship known best by old friends rather than adversaries, most of the time.  

How do you face procrastination?

This is my favorite way of approaching things that have the putting it off vibe…