When there is a Will, they will know the way.

When there is a Will, they will know the way.

Let’s start with the easy part.

Initial these six pages, then sign here.

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Then initial here, here and here.  Sign there.

Last one.  Two initials and a signature.

The signing of one of the most valuable documents you can ever create.

Your Last Will and Testament, Power of Attorney and Health Directive.

But its getting to the signing part that is challenging. Why [ & frankly I doubt I have to answer that], but who wants to make plans about their life when the purpose of the document is centered around the fact that there is no more living to do?

I’ve said and written many times before that in order to deliberately create what you want in your life; Ask, Believe & Receive.  When it comes to doing your will its freaky, because to apply those three steps is the absolute LAST thing you want to conjure up in your mind.  And if it does flash in front of your eyes, you want to do everything in your power to erase it from your mind.

Here is the flip side.

In this moment of living and the many many many countless moments to come in the future, you get to choose where you invest your thought energy and live the life of your design.  Creating your life that ticks all the boxes on how you feel, who you are with, where you are, what you are doing.  The fastest way to bringing that ideal life starts by being clear about what you want.

Ask:

You may not have to think very hard about the things you do not want in your life.  You may in fact feel tentative or stumped when answering the question what do you want in your life?

This is the question on which the foundation of your last will and testament is created.

What do you want? 

What do you want to do or have done with your investments, your house, your stuff, your money, your assets, your ….everything?

There is no room for a grey area when doing your will.  It is the most specific and clear document outlining what YOU want.  Because only YOU know.

I repeat Only YOU know.

Some may assume that if they are not on the Forbes list of wealthiest people that their personal estate isn’t that complicated and writing up the directive is a waste of time.  However, this document is about all of whatever you have amassed in your life and the people who are grieving you are then left to make assumptions and speculate on what you would want to have happen.

In addition to the grief they are experiencing, without a clarity of knowing your wishes, grief can be compounded by all the details of managing what they now are tasked with figuring out.  The very doing of documenting your wants alleviates a substantial weight off of the shoulders of those who are left.

Believe:

In order to believe that your will be acted upon and all those crossed t’s and dotted i’s will be taken care of, choosing the executor(s) is another decision you must make.  Your belief in the people who you have chosen to manage your affairs and carry out your wishes.

Go back to step one and ask.  Ask them for permission to task them with the very intimate job of overseeing your estate, and your wishes.

The biggest step is outlining the specifics of what you want and need done after you are gone.  The believing part comes in by choosing specifically who is tasked with seeing this through.

Receive:

There isn’t any stuff you are going to receive in this process.  However what you will receive is relief and you will give others relief in knowing that you have outlined with clarity your wishes and desires.

Relief in knowing that you have clearly stated what you want to happen, that you have provided the information for those actions to be handled by the person or people most perfect for the job.

Relief in knowing that those left to grieve your loss, can do so without the added weight of wondering, second guessing, possibly quarreling about what you want.

Relief in the fact that what you want is being taken care of and your wishes are being honored.

Feel it:

So how does relief feel to you?

How do you think relief would look and feel for those left to manage your estate, knowing they have the direction specifically from you?

Is it possible that focusing on the relief and being grateful to feel it and knowing you that others are feeling it because of your forethought to do up your last will & testament?  Is it possible that focusing on that feeling, not the end result of your passing, can help support you in doing the work?

Sometimes reverse engineering the process can help to lighten the energy around the task at hand.

So start with the easy part…

Initial these six pages, then sign here.

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Then initial here, here and here.  Sign there.

Last one.  Two initials and a signature.

Focus on the relief of getting the task done.  Focus on how it feels to know you have done what needs to be done.  Focus on what it feels like that you have provided the information necessary for others to act on your behalf.  Focus on what relief feels like for you knowing that you have this done.  Focus on what relief will feel like for those left to mourn your loss knowing that the details are all laid out.

Focus on the relief when you get tangled up in the ick factor of having to answer the question “What do You want?”, when detailing your will; when you are no longer here to execute and create on your own behalf.

Focusing on the end result of creating relief can help unwind the cluster of resistance to going through the process and will help you take the steps necessary to getting this very valuable document created.

Help yourself and others by focusing on the relief and downsizing this from a monumental task to manageable.

Choose relief for you and your loved ones in your life.

 

[Please seek qualified legal advise in compiling all documents in regards to your estate, My intention is to invite and encourage you to release the energy around doing so]

 

 

 

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Grief is Not Only About Death

On this day, November 9, 2016 the world is creatively considering what the future looks like based on the choices made and actions taken. There are those who see and feel how things will be possible; and there are those who see and feel how things will be impossible.  Some are stating that this day will be forever remembered in history, as they step into their future.

On this day, twenty years ago, November 9, 1996 I too was creatively considering what the future looked like, based on the choices made and actions taken.  I too, was seeing and feeling how all things were possible and there was nothing impossible about that.

Twenty years ago, the sun was shining, the temperature was balmy for November and well over 300 people gathered to celebrate a wedding. Believing, as they did, that on this day, as we stepped into our future this date will be forever remembered in history.

Wherever you live on this planet Earth.   One thing is for certain, grief is not only about death.

“Grief is the conflicting group of human emotions caused by an end to or change in a familiar pattern or behavior.  Thus, any changes in relationships to people, places or events can cause the conflicting feelings we call grief.”

–The Grief Recovery Handbook

An experience of loss is not stand alone, it can have multiple facets.

When a spouse dies in addition to losing a loved one and ending of a relationship; it may or may not include:

  • loss of normalcy
  • loss of self
  • loss of confidence
  • loss of unrealized hopes
  • loss of unrealized dreams
  • loss of trust
  • end of other relationships [family, friends]
  • financial changes
  • job or career changes
  • moving
  • legal problems
  • loss of expectations for your children

And I stress “may or may not include” those losses because everyone’s relationship is unique.  There may be more to add to that list or for some less.

Its not an effort to quantify the loss, because everyone’s relationship to what has been lost is unique.

Using the results of the recent election; some may be feeling grief over the results and other losses such as:

  • loss of confidence
  • loss of direction
  • loss of purpose
  • loss of normalcy
  • loss of faith
  • loss of relationships
  • loss or change of health of a nation
  • loss or change of money
  • loss of trust
  • loss of safety
  • loss of hopes
  • loss of dreams
  • loss of expectations of the future

The common denominator in either example being unresolved feelings of: wanting something more, better or different.

And the same can be said for those outside of the direct experience.  People can feel grief for those same experiences because a common connection to the whole.

It is normal and natural to feel grief after a loss of any kind, I repeat after loss of any kind.

So on this day, as you step into your future I invite you to…

Be Gentle with yourself and others.

Everyone’s experience is unique.

Choose not to compare your feelings of loss, because feelings are valid.  You feel what you are feeling and others are feeling their feelings.

Listen and share from the heart not the head.

Create a safe place to listen and to be heard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day of the Dead (Día de Muertos)

Day of the Dead (Día de Muertos)

Day of the Dead (Spanish: Día de Muertos) is a Mexican holiday celebrated throughout Mexico, in particular the Central and South regions, and by people of Mexican ancestry living in other places, especially the United States. It is acknowledged internationally in many other cultures. The multi-day holiday focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for and remember friends and family members who have died, and help support their spiritual journey.

Source:  Wikipedia

Day of the Dead is not a celebration common to where I live.  I have come to learn that the essence of this occasion is a day to consciously honor and remember those who have passed.  Gathering in the company of family and friends; to share food, fond memories & funny anecdotes.

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To everyone this and every day, I send you good vibes as you reflect and remember those you have lost.

 

 

Practicing what I post.

Living abroad we can find ourselves at times missing certain comforts from home, such as food.  These things can be appeased by either requesting a care package or being creative in the kitchen, our feeling of missing can be satisfied for the time being.
When we miss family or friends, that too can be handled quite easily with an email, skype call or any number of online options.  However, no matter how far technology has come when we miss that special person that is beyond this world, there is a palpable void.
Special occasions like birthdays, Christmas and other calendar dates bring up those feelings and in some ways we can be some what prepared for those times, since we know they are coming up.  Its the times, when no matter where in the world you are, that on a Thursday, for no accountable reason, you feel as though you have been swallowed up and the feelings of loss have enveloped you.
As an adult I can and do practise what I posted in the Rock Star or Roadie blog and through that can navigate my way through the funk.  As a Mom, my instincts want me to just tuck my girls away, hug them, hold them and fix things.  
But I can’t.
No amount of hugs from me can replace the arms that they wish to hold them.
Listening to me can not replace the voice that they wish to hear.
A Mom can do and be many things for their children; but a Mom can never be their Dad.
I can only love them, hug them, help them as a Mom.
I can be a “go to” person for them.
I can breathe deeply & evenly, and encourage the same.
I can listen and through that feel the heaviness of the funk lighten.
We can talk and acknowledge that these heavy feelings are temporary and know that they aren’t always this strong.
We can sort through some choices and auxiliary experiences, created during this time, that may have best been put on pause, but learn from them all the same.
I can and do remind them of their Rock Stardom; we can smile, laugh, and feel even more heaviness dissipate.
Reaching out to someone when you need a “go to” can seem like the most difficult step; 
Reaching in to someone when they need a “go to” can seem equally so. 
To keep connected during these times takes willingness and faith on both parts.
The email, phone call or invitation for a walk may be the opening up to helping yourself or another feel lighter and better able to make their way back on stage.