The Expatriate to Repatriate Journey:  Turning Our World Upside Down…Again

The Expatriate to Repatriate Journey: Turning Our World Upside Down…Again

In the last 4 years I’ve moved a couple times.

At a Glance:

  • 2010 Canada to Germany, 
  • 2012 Germany to Australia, 
  • 2014 Australia to Canada.

That is a lot of moving, packing, purging, Kilometers, and change!

The decision process to move takes a great deal of endurance.  Whether its across town and especially to another continent.  

It is possible that from the outside looking in, it may appear that casually over coffee one morning we just decided to pick up and relocate… and poof there we landed on the other side of the Globe.  No muss no fuss.  

When the energy around making a continental move is well a Continental Shift!

When you are keen and eager to relocate, the physical move is a fairly straight forward. And may look similar to this…

When you are hesitant to relocate, the physical move is substantially more scribbly. Like this…

Either route gets you from A to B. 

As with any major decision there is a tremendous amount of 

  • back and forth, 
  • pros and cons, 
  • ups and downs,
  • tears of joy and sadness
  • along with various and other sundry emotions.  

Think Roller Coaster, and that ride doesn’t necessarily stop when you land.
When you arrive at B, you have to start to unpack and untangle what you brought with you, whether you knew you brought it along or not.  

Its a process, just like any move.

You have to decide where stuff will go and how it will fit; one box at a time.  Not just your furniture but yourself. 

Inventory:  Choosing Forgiveness

Inventory: Choosing Forgiveness

After writing the post Creating
Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness
, I’ve been noticing a
definite shift in my vibeage.  
Credit:  Reposting image from Good Vibe University Facebook Page
In the spirit of “letting things go” I’ve been drawn to take care of some of
those “niggling” things that have been in lying in wait for my
attention and weighing on me.

Since writing

  • I’ve cleaned out
    my purse (now substantially and literally lighter),
  • I’ve cleaned out
    my fridge and just like the car analogy when I open it I love the tidy and
    shiny look,
  • I’ve organized
    my pantry,
  • I’ve created a
    stack of things to put in the Post.  Cards that I’ve been meaning to
    write, pictures I’ve been meaning to send, and little odds and ends that
    I’ve had on my mind but kept sloughing them off.
  • I’ve sorted out
    the tangle of shoes at our entry and discarded ones that have been waiting
    to be released.
  • I’ve got a tidy
    uncluttered desk.
  • I’ve sorted
    through and found homes for papers that have been stuck on the bench top
    purgatory and now have a home.
  • And a couple
    more items along the same theme.
  • Interesting Note is that all of the things I took care of were out of sight but not out of mind.  
I ended the day feeling accomplished and the best part was that it
had all been an organic process.  I’ve been known to whip myself into a cleaning frenzy and channel my inner
whirlwind.  However it just started with
one thing, then segued into the next, with a calm, cool, and productive and
meditative rhythm.
Having addressed most of my items on my “should-do” list, and if
you haven’t heard, One should never should on oneself. In addition to feeling accomplished
I and my environment felt lighter.
  
Throughout the next 30 days I intend to create more of that good
feeling.
Day One –  Inventory
It’s necessary to reflect on the past and acknowledge and identify
who, what and specifically the feelings that are being held onto that  are full of negative
stuff. 
This is my exercise in consciously choosing forgiveness, therefore
I am requiring myself to consciously take stock of all that needs to be let go
of.
Word of Caution:  This is
not permission to don your judge’s robes, grab your gavel and start casting
judgment.  Nor is this an exercise to envelop
you and your past in a shroud of victimization.

I am not seeking retribution from others; I am choosing to release the
attachment to and the belief of, that holding onto any past angers, hurts, embarrassments,
etc is serving me.

The only service it is providing is to create restrictions in my
life and hold me back.  Sustaining the
clench takes away more energy than it would ever give and limits flexibility. 
Inhale Peace
Exhale Love
Inhale Now
Exhale Then
Inale Peace
Exhale Love…

Couples Therapy:  My Relationship with Procrastination

Couples Therapy: My Relationship with Procrastination

It took a long time of struggling with the push and pull dynamics of the relationship to finally ask myself:
  • How had I allowed myself to be bullied for so long?  
  • When had I given up so much power over myself?  
  • And how could I release this hold on me?  

Being caught in this vortex was not serving my purpose. 

The need for change was imminent.  
Or was it?
It seemed futile to look for balance in a relationship, such as this, when the common ground felt as stable as quicksand.  I needed to step onto the sidelines of the blame game and determine what my role was in all of it.  Along with my new found conviction to make a change, I set off armed with fresh eyes, an open heart and a clean slate to begin anew.
Determined, I moved forward, seemingly unaware of the subtlety of the seduction, the light and easy suggestions, the whispered ideas luring me to come out and play.  The gentle urgings, the innocent voice, the promise of “it will only take a moment; you’ll be back on point right away.”  
The mastermind I was dealing with worked easily and effortlessly to derail my intentions.  
The initial moment was drawn out with the cajoling of, “Just one more minute, what’s one more minute?…You can make up the time later.”  
Those are not the demands of a bully, they are simple requests or so I led myself to believe.  Once the realization came I was furious.  It wasn’t just a moment, it wasn’t just another minute, I had been duped yet again by the exponential growth of a single moment into the whole loss of a day.
I berated myself, I belittled myself, I was angry at myself for being led. Angry at the apparent ease I had succumbed to distraction.  
Where were my fresh eyes, my open heart? 
I looked at my clean slate with disdain, now smudgy with taunts of distracted success by procrastination.  Chaos ensued.
Chaos had become a common ingredient in my life and it reigned in my world more times than not. In turn I welcomed chaos as I began to notice and accept that I thrived within its outer appearance of frantic disorder.  
That feeling of being more grounded as I stood amid the eye of the storm, more productive, more decisive, more clear and more successful to get my tasks done.  I began to relish in my many accomplishments handled and realized that I create chaos for my greater good.  Then it hit me.  
If chaos was a direct descendant of procrastination how could I love one and not the other?
I had found my piece in this dysfunctional relationship and now I could make my peace.
Procrastination had firmly established a place in my life, and for years I had rejected its value.  I had adopted the attitude that we could not work together, either I was on top or on the bottom, no balance. 
I was attempting to keep track of wins and losses and each time I checked the scoreboard I was always behind.  My feeling like a victim in the relationship only served to feed procrastination’s power over me.  The imminent change I needed to make was not one of overpowering my opponent, rather to embrace the challenges procrastination presented me.

I wanted procrastination to do the work to change.

I wanted procrastination to leave me alone so I could relinquish the guilt I felt when I listened to the whispers.

I wanted procrastination to respect my productivity rather than seducing me away from it.

I wanted peace! And procrastination was not giving it to me.

Making peace with something is akin to forgiveness.  The process is to accept what is in its natural state, not being in agreement, condoning it or in opposition to it, but to find neutral ground from which to move forward from.  
Procrastination had been doing its job, and doing it well without fail.  It always led me to chaos which I admittedly embraced yet I continued to resist the journey with procrastination to get there.
The relationship looks and feels different now that I have accepted procrastination for what it is.  
In my opinion, it is a momentary meandering off the path, or coloring outside of the lines as a means to an end.  I have chosen to view procrastination as a gift to myself and gently allow myself to wander for moments at its request.  
I have given myself permission to get to the end result without fear of veering off my predetermined path and know that procrastination allows me a bit more time for mulling or creating before the destination is reached.  At times getting there may be chaotic and other times not, that works for me too.

Procrastination and I are cultivating that comfortable relationship known best by old friends rather than adversaries, most of the time.  

How do you face procrastination?

This is my favorite way of approaching things that have the putting it off vibe…