The Cost of “I’m Fine”

The Cost of “I’m Fine”

I’ve been working on a 13″ laptop for 2 years now, the technology is brilliant however the position I have to assume in order to type this blog article or anything has become progressively more detrimental to my body.

My personal trainer, my chiropractor, my body guru have all wagged their fingers at me to make a change to support my posture.  So I bought a proper chair, which helped a lot but didn’t fix it because I still had to turtle my neck in order to work on the laptop.  Posture and alignment of the body is not new information for me.

I used to be the one preaching to the choir (clients) after all.

But

here is the but

I don’t think I’m alone in this, I kept telling myself and those that help me undo what I’ve done that

“I’m fine” or that “I’ll be fine”.

How many times have you answered with an “I’m fine” when you are not?  That response is probably the most common lie that we tell ourselves and others.

It is the conversation killer, because you can’t argue with ‘I’m fine”.  They said they were fine, so we accept that lie and move onto another topic.

“I’m fine” is a blanket response that intimates that we are not going to talk about how we are really feeling.  It is a generally accepted response to almost any experience.  Yet we are lying, more often than not.  Granted, there are times and situations when you are asked how you are that it wouldn’t be appropriate to answer honestly as it would be oversharing and the asker is asking out of common courtesy and isn’t inquiring for or wanting the deeper answer.

So we can get away with it.  I don’t have figures to back this up, but I’ll guess that 90% of the time we get away with telling others that we are fine without any recourse.

My neck is fine, I’ll take an Advil & this headache will go away and I’ll be fine,

fine

fine

fine

bla bla bla.

Except there is.

The recourse comes in the backdoor.  We say something enough, create a belief and whammo we have an unconscious mantra that we are fine, when we are not.  Lying to ourselves is the most harmful, because I think it is possible that we may then stop looking for ways to actually be and feel fine, like truly fine and not the fake kind.

I stopped listening, because it had become normal for me to pick up the phone and get help, a bandaid of sorts, but I’d get patched up and be back some times sooner than later for another fix.

I had stopped listening.  I heard myself say it a million times that “I’m fine” and I stopped hearing the truth, stopped hearing the call to action to do something beyond getting adjusted.

Until I stopped saying it.  And tolerating what being fake fine was for me.

Two weeks ago today, (after I had endured 3 weeks of daily headaches I might add) I went out bought a 27″ monitor, a proper keyboard and mouse.  The cost of which was nominal in comparison to what I have spent on massage, chiropractic and other modalities in the time period.  Heck I have been saying ” I really should…go out and buy a big monitor etc” but should is just code for I don’t want to, because I was fine after all.

I can not tell you the difference it has made for me.  I can not tell you the difference in my wellness overall not to feel impinged, not to be awoken in the night with a headache and so on.  This was a relatively easy fix to my, “I’m fine”, but there are layers to those 2 little words and they can run deep and twisty.

So I ask, “How are you?”

Let’s Chat

 

 

When there is a Will, they will know the way.

When there is a Will, they will know the way.

Let’s start with the easy part.

Initial these six pages, then sign here.

qtq80-qI4UzE

Then initial here, here and here.  Sign there.

Last one.  Two initials and a signature.

The signing of one of the most valuable documents you can ever create.

Your Last Will and Testament, Power of Attorney and Health Directive.

But its getting to the signing part that is challenging. Why [ & frankly I doubt I have to answer that], but who wants to make plans about their life when the purpose of the document is centered around the fact that there is no more living to do?

I’ve said and written many times before that in order to deliberately create what you want in your life; Ask, Believe & Receive.  When it comes to doing your will its freaky, because to apply those three steps is the absolute LAST thing you want to conjure up in your mind.  And if it does flash in front of your eyes, you want to do everything in your power to erase it from your mind.

Here is the flip side.

In this moment of living and the many many many countless moments to come in the future, you get to choose where you invest your thought energy and live the life of your design.  Creating your life that ticks all the boxes on how you feel, who you are with, where you are, what you are doing.  The fastest way to bringing that ideal life starts by being clear about what you want.

Ask:

You may not have to think very hard about the things you do not want in your life.  You may in fact feel tentative or stumped when answering the question what do you want in your life?

This is the question on which the foundation of your last will and testament is created.

What do you want? 

What do you want to do or have done with your investments, your house, your stuff, your money, your assets, your ….everything?

There is no room for a grey area when doing your will.  It is the most specific and clear document outlining what YOU want.  Because only YOU know.

I repeat Only YOU know.

Some may assume that if they are not on the Forbes list of wealthiest people that their personal estate isn’t that complicated and writing up the directive is a waste of time.  However, this document is about all of whatever you have amassed in your life and the people who are grieving you are then left to make assumptions and speculate on what you would want to have happen.

In addition to the grief they are experiencing, without a clarity of knowing your wishes, grief can be compounded by all the details of managing what they now are tasked with figuring out.  The very doing of documenting your wants alleviates a substantial weight off of the shoulders of those who are left.

Believe:

In order to believe that your will be acted upon and all those crossed t’s and dotted i’s will be taken care of, choosing the executor(s) is another decision you must make.  Your belief in the people who you have chosen to manage your affairs and carry out your wishes.

Go back to step one and ask.  Ask them for permission to task them with the very intimate job of overseeing your estate, and your wishes.

The biggest step is outlining the specifics of what you want and need done after you are gone.  The believing part comes in by choosing specifically who is tasked with seeing this through.

Receive:

There isn’t any stuff you are going to receive in this process.  However what you will receive is relief and you will give others relief in knowing that you have outlined with clarity your wishes and desires.

Relief in knowing that you have clearly stated what you want to happen, that you have provided the information for those actions to be handled by the person or people most perfect for the job.

Relief in knowing that those left to grieve your loss, can do so without the added weight of wondering, second guessing, possibly quarreling about what you want.

Relief in the fact that what you want is being taken care of and your wishes are being honored.

Feel it:

So how does relief feel to you?

How do you think relief would look and feel for those left to manage your estate, knowing they have the direction specifically from you?

Is it possible that focusing on the relief and being grateful to feel it and knowing you that others are feeling it because of your forethought to do up your last will & testament?  Is it possible that focusing on that feeling, not the end result of your passing, can help support you in doing the work?

Sometimes reverse engineering the process can help to lighten the energy around the task at hand.

So start with the easy part…

Initial these six pages, then sign here.

qtq80-qI4UzE

Then initial here, here and here.  Sign there.

Last one.  Two initials and a signature.

Focus on the relief of getting the task done.  Focus on how it feels to know you have done what needs to be done.  Focus on what it feels like that you have provided the information necessary for others to act on your behalf.  Focus on what relief feels like for you knowing that you have this done.  Focus on what relief will feel like for those left to mourn your loss knowing that the details are all laid out.

Focus on the relief when you get tangled up in the ick factor of having to answer the question “What do You want?”, when detailing your will; when you are no longer here to execute and create on your own behalf.

Focusing on the end result of creating relief can help unwind the cluster of resistance to going through the process and will help you take the steps necessary to getting this very valuable document created.

Help yourself and others by focusing on the relief and downsizing this from a monumental task to manageable.

Choose relief for you and your loved ones in your life.

 

[Please seek qualified legal advise in compiling all documents in regards to your estate, My intention is to invite and encourage you to release the energy around doing so]

 

 

 

.

 

Self Love – I feel good when I …?

Self Love – I feel good when I …?

love-feel-good

Self Love: I feel good when I (fill in your blank) for myself.

 

How would you fill in your blank?

The question came to me the other day when I was feeling congested and headache-y and realized that rather than doing something to alleviate it I was simply feeling it more and more.

In that instance, I asked myself, “How can I help myself feel better?” but seriously in reality I asked, “Where is my Advil and why haven’t I taken any yet?”

[Where was the easy button when I needed it]

 

Self Care are the actions that we use to express our Self Love.

 

Self Care is not selfish;

it is the quintessential ingredient to cultivating and maintaining the quality of your life!

 

Case in point:

There is quite a cache of vitamin supplements in my pantry.  I even go so far as to portion them out to make taking them easier.  So why is it that there are times which turn into days when I simply ignore them, despite the fact that they are there?

I’ve made it easy, they are ready to go, yet grabbing a packet and taking them feels like too much work!!

I’m not saying that taking vitamin supplements is the magical bullet of Self Care – What I am saying is that the things we do to support our selves in body/mind/spirit that work behind the scenes to help us feel good overall.

Case in point #2:

The past 8 days in my world can best be understood by watching this video

skier

Suffice to say that it is a clip of a skier having to repeatedly recover mogul after mogul to regain his balance; and when I watched it on social media I immediately identified with how it felt!

Self Care for me meant choosing to do things that helped me to feel grounded, not flailing down a ski hill.  So that meant I opted to focus on things that help me clear my head.  For me that was cleaning the kitchen, some housework, and making myself a cup of hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream on top and sat down and drank it.

Granted doing housework may not be everyone’s go to, however the state of affairs in my kitchen was contributing to my imbalance by becoming a mogul that I had to negotiate.

Sometimes it is doing the tasks that we can control the outcome of that allows our head to clear.  It works for me.

As for the hot chocolate… that was for comfort.  Grasping the warm cup, the fragrance of the chocolate, the contrast of hot liquid and cool cream.  Ahhhhh  Relief!

But mostly choosing to take the time to have the experience, not trying to multi task or do anything other than to drink the cocoa from start to finish.

 

How can you Fill in Your Blank today; and in order to  Fill up your Self Love Tank…?

 

Whatever it is…You get to Choose!

 

cup of hot chocolate

cup of hot chocolate

 

 

 

 

Saying Goodbye to The Dress

Saying Goodbye to The Dress

I didn’t go shopping for it in the typical way.  You know, load up your Mom, sisters and besties and head to each and every bridal shop in town and try on dress after dress.  Wait for the ooh’s and ahh’s from the assembled panel or watching their faces that tell you thumbs down, as I exited the dressing room and paraded in front of them over and over again.

Nope I didn’t do that.

I had the dress in mind, inspired by a picture in a magazine.  The only place to get the dress was halfway across the country, and when you are planning a wedding some expenses are non negotiable but others are.

Having found a dress designer in my small city, I promptly set off, magazine picture in hand, to get the dress custom made.

The experience of getting a dress designed and made just for me, was less than stellar, and the connection with the designer just wasn’t happening, so I chose to let that go.

I got up on a Saturday morning, went to my first choice of a bridal shop in town.  The first dress I saw and tried on was it!  Its been a few years (over 19), but if memory serves me correctly I never bothered to try on any other dresses.

How crazy is that?
First one off the rack.
Tried it on.
Fit perfectly.
Ka-ching and done.
Nobody but myself had seen the dress.

I loved the fact that it would be a surprise for everyone at the wedding.
I loved the fact that when I came down the stairs everyone would be seeing it for the first time.
I loved the fact that I felt so amazing, so elegant, so bridal.
I loved the dress!
I loved that the dress was a reflection of what I felt on the inside.Wedding Dress 1

had a lot invested in the dressFinancially, of course, as far as a wedding dress goes.  But even more so, my emotional investment far exceeded what I had paid.

Wedding dresses are significant.  

The one thing a woman buys to wear once.  

The one article of clothing that is photographed more times by more people than any other piece of clothing you will ever own.

The one article of clothing that gets you more compliments and makes you feel more beautiful, than anything else in your closet:  past, present or future.

Like women before me and women after me, I wanted it to feel and be my version of perfect.  And it did.

It is Iconic.  

It is magical.

 Wedding Dress 2

A week before my first anniversary, I picked it up from the special dry cleaners, who cleaned it and boxed it up, complete with a little window for me to peek at it from time to time without having to break the seal.  I paid to preserve its magical qualities, along with my shoes, head band and clutch.

I didn’t peek at it over the years.  I didn’t need to.  I could conjure up the weight of the dress, I could hear the swoosh of my skirt, I could see it daily in the wedding picture we kept displayed during our marriage.  

I kept it safely stowed and preserving in a closet.  

Preserving the magic.  Preserving the memories.  Preserving the investment.  Preserving…

 

Sherry trentini WDC

I know that times have changed and there are some brides who promptly sell their used dresses, donate them, or do whatever to them.  It is all about what we believe to be true for ourselves to do.

  

  • I kept my dress, perfectly preserved in the special box with a window.
  • I kept the gold wrapped box with all of the cards I received from bridal showers and from the wedding.
  • I kept the guest list spreadsheet.
  • I kept a copy of the handmade invitations.
  • I kept the RSVP’s
  • I kept my husband’s tuxedo and his shoes.
  • I kept a lot of things that even surprised me that I had.
  • I kept anything that I believed had magical qualities.


Over the years I did end up letting go of many things, as I downsized my storage bins.


It never ever dawned on me to let go of my dress.  It never dawned on me to sell it, donate it or do anything else but keep it in the special box with a window.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My husband died suddenly in July 2009, twelve and a half years after getting married.


Our girls were then aged ten and eight.


Around the time that would have been our thirteenth wedding anniversary, I brought the dress out.


With my girls.


I broke the seal.


I hauled it out.


And the girls tried it on. 


I let them play in the magical dress.


One of them said something about wearing my dress on their wedding day.  I responded, “No honey, you choose a dress that has YOUR energy, that reflects who you are.  This was my dress.”


I repacked the dress after that playtime.  Taped it up and returned it to the closet. 

It never dawned on me to let go of the dress. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In May of this year I was downsizing my stored treasures.  The bin that held the archives of the wedding was on my list.

I looked through each and every card, then let them go.

I read over the guest list and RSVP’s and let them go.

I thinned out the bin, and I let those things go with love and gratitude.

The dress.  

Stayed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    

In the last 3 years I had thought about it.  

But I resisted.  That dress and that bin full of magic and memories was the antithesis of grief.   


It held space for me.  It held Love.  It held magicI was holding on.

2015 holding onto

An experience in June inspired me to come home and dive back into that bin, and I was set on unceremoniously letting all of it go.   

The experience led me to realize that I had invested in the fact that keeping the dress and all the accoutrements staved off the fact that it triggered unresolved grief.

Keeping the dress, for all its magical qualities, didn‘t take away the grief of loss and death; it didn’t resolve the grief of unrealized dreams; it didn’t mend the grief of my daughters.  Grief had consumed the magic.

Getting rid of the dress in that moment, would have satisfied me immensely.  It would have assuaged my anger at the realization that holding onto those things was holding me back, rather than taking me back.

But I waited.

I practised what I preach about letting things go with gratitude and love.

I waited until the anger had passed.

I waited until I could find peace in the letting go.

I waited until I was able to feel peace in letting it go.

I waited until I was able to feel gratitude.

I waited until I was able to feel love.

Then I took the dress out peacefully 24 hours later; Layed it on the floor and remembered. 

IMG_6388

I recalled what the dress felt like, the swoosh of the skirt.  

I looked at the detail of the pearls and beads.

IMG_6390

IMG_6391

IMG_6392

I held the dress.

I expressed gratitude for the dress, my husband, my marriage, my wedding and any and all things and people associated with it.

Packed it up and let it go.

With Love.

For me.

Letting it go did not take away the magic from that day.

 

Letting it go did not magically heal the grief.


Letting it go created space for me to allow for more magic in

Read the comments on my Blogger account

Self Love Bagua

Self Love Bagua

In spirit of Valentine’s Day I created an inquiry based Bagua for Self Love, asking how Self Love would affect the relationship to all of life areas on the bagua.
The Love and Relationships gua in Feng Shui encompasses all of the relationships in your life.  
You would find this area in your home by dividing your main floor into 9 equal areas, stand facing your front door and it would be at the back of your house the area to the right.
You can also lay the bagua onto each room to find where Love and Relationships would be anchored as it also has its own 9 areas.  Divide the space into 9 equal blocks, stand facing the door or entry of the room.

————–Entrance or Front Door————–
Relationships are not limited interpersonal, it includes all relationships starting with you and your relationship with your:  
  • spouse
  • children
  • family
  • friends
  • colleagues
  • career
  • car
  • education
  • life experiences
  • the world
  • health
  • body
  • money
  • spirit
  • yourself
  • etc.
You may have heard me ask/say this before, but it bears repeating.
  1. If you were to list 5 people who LOVE YOU unconditionally who would they be?
  2. If you were to list 5 people who YOU LOVE unconditionally who would they be?
  3. Did you include yourself on either or both of those lists?
Self Love is not about narcissism, nor is it about ego.  Self Love is about loving yourself as others love you and you love others, unconditionally.
We tend to negate the need to express love to ourselves, as there can be a discomfort in doing so.  It may feel selfish, stupid and ridiculous.  There may be the belief that feeling and expressing love is something you feel and do for and about others not yourself.
So pick one of the 5 people you listed above that YOU LOVE unconditionally. Feel what it feels like to love them.  Think of the reasons that love comes out of you to them without conditions.  Think about how the love you have for them provides them with comfort, warmth and support in all ways.  Feel what that feels like.
Pick one of the 5 people you listed above that LOVE YOU unconditionally.  Feel what it feels like to have someone love you that way.  Think about how the love they feel for you comforts, warms and supports you in a multitude of ways. Feel what it feels like to receive love.
Think about what it feels like to be doing something you love, work or play. Isn’t it effortless?  Work may not feel like work when you love what you are doing, play may feel like play to the tenth power when you love what you are doing.
Think about being somewhere that you love.  Vacation destination, your home, your favorite restaurant, wherever.  Feels good to be there.
The core of us is Love and we can learn how to invite those feelings into us and about us and our life by using our feelings from above as templates.
Starting at our core.  
  

Reflection (Knowledge and Self Cultivation):

I would ask if it would be possible to be able to look at the culmination of your life experiences and lessons with more compassion?  Would the good times feel even better and the bad times less bad?  When we use love as our filter perhaps we would be able to see our life with more objectivity.

Nurture (Health and Family):

If we approached nurturing our body, mind and spirit with the essence of love would it be easier to make choices that supported ourselves?  What would it feel like to make healthy choices from a love perspective rather than self-recrimination?  Is it possible we could be more successful in achieving a healthy status?  

Gratitude (Wealth and Prosperity):

Being and feeling grateful, while infused with love may allow us to see a broader picture of what makes us abundant.  Love may gift us seeing our lives as being wealthy and prosperous in a broader way.  Is it possible that gratitude and love are actually conjoined?  Is it possible that sending love to all the things we are grateful for in our lives could create even more prosperity?

Community (Fame and Reputation):

Loving the worlds in which gather may better support who we are and who we are becoming.  If we were to communicate with ourselves in a loving way would it be possible we would send and receive communication with others differently?  

Love (Love and Relationships):

What would it feel like if you were committed to loving yourself as you do other important relationships?  How would that affect your marital relationship, that with your children, family and friends?  How would that impact the balances you feel in relationship?

Joy (Children and Creativity):

When you are doing something you love to do, in a place that you love, with people that you love isn’t that like a good vibeage trifecta?  Happiness and joy are commodities that having more of would be life changing.  Finding things that bring you joy and doing them is showing love to yourself!  Make a go to happy list, and do the things that you love to do!

Spirit (Helpful people and Travel):

If we needed help from others and loved ourselves enough to ask for it or accept it, how would your life feel different?  When offering help to others in the spirit of love would it be easier for them to accept and to ask?  Choosing to see that giving and receiving help is an extension of giving and receiving love. How would that perspective change your go forward?

Flow (Career):

If the flow of our life was buoyed by love how would you be moving forward?  If we chose to find a way to love ourselves and our life, in all ways would it be possible that we could be gentler when we are feeling stuck?  Would the possibilities be easier to see if we sailed the waters feeling love?  How could the momentum of your life be improved by adding love?
In each of the above life areas, adding love to the perspective or essence improves the texture of how we may look at our life overall.  Whether we are looking at where we are coming from, where we are at this moment, and where we are intending to go to in the future.
Practising Self Love is exactly that, a practise.  By doing so we recharge our selves from within, so that we can radiate love from the inside out.  
My favorite reminder is.
This reminds me to be more gentle, to be more mindful, to be more connected to myself and when I do so, everyone in my life, everything in my life benefits.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

P.S.

I’m new to sending newsletters and would be honored if you chose to join my list.  You can click HERE to sign up.